I'm in New York right now...at my Midtown hotel room. Been up here in the City doing some networking things. I'm sick and tired of depending on people, and so I'm trying to take my life into my own hands, in every sense.
Call me jaded, but I am hoping to get to the point where I'm not dependent upon anybody for anything. That's a lofty and rather unrealisitic aspiration, but damn, can't fault a man for trying, can you?
I don't know if any of you all agree, but I've noticed that the minute you become dependent on anybody for anything mysteriously seems to coincide with the minute you realize that people aren't all that they seem to be. This probably makes me sound like one of those crazy, negative summabitches...but to be honest, I'm finally growing to the point where I could give a fuck what I appear to be to people. If I'm upbeat, cool. If I'm negative, fuck it, I don't need to justify it to anybody. Truth is, you're going to perceive me through your filter anyway, however you choose to perceive me. I can't do shit about that.
These days, I find myself deeply torn between emotion and utter apathy. My heart pulls me to emotion. My mind pushes me to apathy. I've always tended to let my heart win out, but the prospect of an apathetic heart is enticing.
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