From the Washington Post's article on Ciara's new album:
"I just wanted to make sure we didn't just get a bunch of songs from people that work with any other R&B artist," says Ethiopia Habtemariam, vice president of urban creative affairs at Universal Music Publishing Group, who serves as the [Ciara] album's A&R. "Ciara was part of every track that was conceived."
Observation #1: The guest appearances include Pharrell, Lil' Jon, and Will.I.Am. Are these really artists who don't work with other R&B artists?!?
Observation #2: Think about the last part of that quote..."Ciara was part of every track that was conceived." Since when is this a ground-breaking concept!?!? I mean, it is HER album, isn't it? That's incredible to know, that she was a part of making her own "SOLO" album! Haha...I hope I'm not the only one who finds the A&R's need to emphasize this point funny...
Observation #3: Ciara looks good (NO dispute there). And that makes Observations #1 and #2 completely irrelevant!
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Why I Love the 'Tilly
(from November 26, 2006)
So check it out...I went to my high school's football game on Saturday, and I have to say it reminded me of why I'm so proud of where I'm from (I know most of you have probably heard me brag about Chantilly and the big V-A). For some background, my school hasn't even made the football playoffs since 1996, when some of the guys in my Top 8 led us to a state championship...and they were 0-10 just two years ago. But all of the sudden they started ballin' this year, and found themselves in the region championship against vaunted neighborhood rival and undefeated Westfield. Second offensive play of the game, the starting QB is literally helicoptered out of the stadium, nobody knowing exactly what's going on other than the fact that he's laying on the field for like 20 minutes. Well, this backup comes in and just does an unbelievable job, playing with confidence and keeping Chantilly in the game. We were down the whole game, but this kid engineers a GUTSY last minute drive to win the game with :14 seconds left. Just to see the 10-15 members of our '96 championship team that were there to support getting all excited at the end...that was priceless, man. A perfect day, perfect weather, jam-packed stadium, lively atmosphere, high drama and a courageous performance from the underdog 'Tilly squad...it reminded me of why I was proud to be a part of that team in 1996 and why I'm still proud to represent the Tilly in '06!!
So check it out...I went to my high school's football game on Saturday, and I have to say it reminded me of why I'm so proud of where I'm from (I know most of you have probably heard me brag about Chantilly and the big V-A). For some background, my school hasn't even made the football playoffs since 1996, when some of the guys in my Top 8 led us to a state championship...and they were 0-10 just two years ago. But all of the sudden they started ballin' this year, and found themselves in the region championship against vaunted neighborhood rival and undefeated Westfield. Second offensive play of the game, the starting QB is literally helicoptered out of the stadium, nobody knowing exactly what's going on other than the fact that he's laying on the field for like 20 minutes. Well, this backup comes in and just does an unbelievable job, playing with confidence and keeping Chantilly in the game. We were down the whole game, but this kid engineers a GUTSY last minute drive to win the game with :14 seconds left. Just to see the 10-15 members of our '96 championship team that were there to support getting all excited at the end...that was priceless, man. A perfect day, perfect weather, jam-packed stadium, lively atmosphere, high drama and a courageous performance from the underdog 'Tilly squad...it reminded me of why I was proud to be a part of that team in 1996 and why I'm still proud to represent the Tilly in '06!!
Check out this REUB review...
(from November 13, 2006)
Alright, this blog is from my Myspace page, but I just had to type up a quick pitch for my boy who's trying to do big things making music. Now, this is one of my best friends, mind you, so yeah, I may be somewhat biased. But I'm telling you, this music is legit, and I'll stick to that statement whether your playlist is typically AC/DC or Amerie, Bob Marley or Bob Dylan, Justin Timberlake or Jimmy Buffett...and I wouldn't go out of my way to say that if I didn't mean it. So if your speakers aren't on, unmute them for a sec, and go to his myspace page! (www.myspace.com/reubmuzik2) If that song "All I Know That's Real" is up there, give it a listen.
I'm pasting below a review I wrote in 2002 for some local publications of REUB's first album, Pair-a-Dice. Check it out...
R.E.U.B.: PAIR-A-DICE
Heaven on Earth Productions
Listen to R.E.U.B.'s debut album, Pair-A-Dice, once, and you'll understand the local hype proclaiming the enigmatic emcee as the newest kid on Virginia's blossoming hip-hop scene. Listen to Pair-A-Dice again, and you'll realize that this potent lyricist and producer isn't really a kid at all, but the rhythmic shell of an artist who has been through a lifetime's worth of contradictory experiences and manifests them with precision.
While his incinerating flow and ambidextrous beats conjure an image of industry studs such as DJ Premier, Common and Nas rolled into one, it is R.E.U.B.'s self-examination and thoughtful perspectives that make his debut recording stand out. In laying down his turbulent life in no unclear terms, R.E.U.B. proves that the personal struggles, triumphs, vices and virtues of an artist's rough and tumble upbringings can be expressed on wax with a realistic--not outlandish--demeanor.
Pair-A-Dice, the first release from R.E.U.B.'s independent Heaven On Earth Productions label, is both positive and negative, idealistic and vogue, grave and light-hearted. It's an honest self-portrait of a complex man that has experienced the best and worst of life, a good-natured realist that knows right from wrong and does wrong anyway. But through the trials of a constant internal struggle between life's competing extremities, R.E.U.B. steadily manages to find the silver lining amongst potentially depressing realities, and emits his optimism forcefully through a witty and baby-oil smooth vocal delivery.
The album also showcases R.E.U.B.'s production ability in several different contexts. Most of the production behind Pair-A-Dice exudes a rugged New York street style featuring heavy doses of chop sampling and vocal highlights, but R.E.U.B. also experiments with a variety of deviating formulas--an electric guitar, bass-heavy West Coast licks, a conga, 110 beats-per-minute sprints and 60 beats-per-minute drawls.
R.E.U.B.'s equally creative lyricism and production adds up to a polished finish product that constantly changes pace, taking the listener through a series of twists and turns throughout Pair-A-Dice, which R.E.U.B. wrote, produced, mixed, performed and arranged.
Some of the album's strongest songs showcase what R.E.U.B. has picked up from his ever-evolving influences. "All My Peoples" is R.E.U.B.'s answer to Common's "Sixth Sense," an ode to hip-hop culture in which he expresses appreciation for friends and family, and more significantly, a passion and willingness to go to any length to succeed and conquer the business of hip-hop. The album's first single, "Gotcha," provides an early left jab with a comedic, punchline-heavy delivery over a breakneck dance beat a la Jay-Z's "I Just Wanna Love U," and "Supreme," the album's most invigorating track, lays down an infectious, Premier-inspired rhythm that R.E.U.B. tears to shreds with a veteran's claw.
But while the roots and influences of some of Pair-A-Dice's offerings can be clearly traced, R.E.U.B. also explores different avenues repeatedly throughout the album, venturing into sounds and topics seldom examined by the hip-hop world. "D'Hydrated Water," Pair-A-Dice's most thought-provoking song, serves as the album's best reflection of its creator's social and psychological consciousness. Over a mellow, melodic bassline, R.E.U.B. reflects on topics ranging from the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks to nonsensical "keeping it real" claims to character flaws he sees in himself.
Additionally, R.E.U.B. discusses the burdensome baggage that comes along with accomplishment in "Still Life," pays tribute to the World Trade Center victims through his own experiences in the emotion-driven "This Mourning," and tells the tale of a high school scuffle that left him torn between cliques in "The Legend of Pretty Tony, Pt. 1." And despite the album's primarily serious subject matter, humorous sample-heavy "Sex Ed" highlights sex life in college, serving as just one example of how the album's constantly varying rhythm and scope keeps the listener on edge.
While Pair-A-Dice is 70 consistent minutes of arresting beats and liquid rhyme skills, it is the down-to-earth nature of R.E.U.B.'s tales that distances this effort from so many debut rap albums. R.E.U.B. introspectively examines real-life responsibilities in a direct-but-subtle way, and precisely tailors his beats to compliment each song's subject matter. And as insightful as much of R.E.U.B.'s content is, he balances it with several raw, playful tracks that merely serve as a battleground for his razor-sharp tongue, and underscore his ambitious declaration that he'll do whatever it takes to "stand out like smokers with five minutes of break left."
Balance is the defining characteristic of Pair-A-Dice. In painting a no-stones-unturned self-portrait, R.E.U.B. simultaneously thinks out loud, dreams out loud, steams out loud, laughs out loud and cries out loud. He's not a thug who'll pop off at the mouth about the "in" thing of the day, and he's not an idealist who's out to save the hip-hop world by preaching about what ought to be. He's just R.E.U.B., simple and complex, insightful and foolish, optimistic and bleak, and the contradictions of his well-traveled existence make Pair-A-Dice worth exploring.
--SK
Alright, this blog is from my Myspace page, but I just had to type up a quick pitch for my boy who's trying to do big things making music. Now, this is one of my best friends, mind you, so yeah, I may be somewhat biased. But I'm telling you, this music is legit, and I'll stick to that statement whether your playlist is typically AC/DC or Amerie, Bob Marley or Bob Dylan, Justin Timberlake or Jimmy Buffett...and I wouldn't go out of my way to say that if I didn't mean it. So if your speakers aren't on, unmute them for a sec, and go to his myspace page! (www.myspace.com/reubmuzik2) If that song "All I Know That's Real" is up there, give it a listen.
I'm pasting below a review I wrote in 2002 for some local publications of REUB's first album, Pair-a-Dice. Check it out...
R.E.U.B.: PAIR-A-DICE
Heaven on Earth Productions
Listen to R.E.U.B.'s debut album, Pair-A-Dice, once, and you'll understand the local hype proclaiming the enigmatic emcee as the newest kid on Virginia's blossoming hip-hop scene. Listen to Pair-A-Dice again, and you'll realize that this potent lyricist and producer isn't really a kid at all, but the rhythmic shell of an artist who has been through a lifetime's worth of contradictory experiences and manifests them with precision.
While his incinerating flow and ambidextrous beats conjure an image of industry studs such as DJ Premier, Common and Nas rolled into one, it is R.E.U.B.'s self-examination and thoughtful perspectives that make his debut recording stand out. In laying down his turbulent life in no unclear terms, R.E.U.B. proves that the personal struggles, triumphs, vices and virtues of an artist's rough and tumble upbringings can be expressed on wax with a realistic--not outlandish--demeanor.
Pair-A-Dice, the first release from R.E.U.B.'s independent Heaven On Earth Productions label, is both positive and negative, idealistic and vogue, grave and light-hearted. It's an honest self-portrait of a complex man that has experienced the best and worst of life, a good-natured realist that knows right from wrong and does wrong anyway. But through the trials of a constant internal struggle between life's competing extremities, R.E.U.B. steadily manages to find the silver lining amongst potentially depressing realities, and emits his optimism forcefully through a witty and baby-oil smooth vocal delivery.
The album also showcases R.E.U.B.'s production ability in several different contexts. Most of the production behind Pair-A-Dice exudes a rugged New York street style featuring heavy doses of chop sampling and vocal highlights, but R.E.U.B. also experiments with a variety of deviating formulas--an electric guitar, bass-heavy West Coast licks, a conga, 110 beats-per-minute sprints and 60 beats-per-minute drawls.
R.E.U.B.'s equally creative lyricism and production adds up to a polished finish product that constantly changes pace, taking the listener through a series of twists and turns throughout Pair-A-Dice, which R.E.U.B. wrote, produced, mixed, performed and arranged.
Some of the album's strongest songs showcase what R.E.U.B. has picked up from his ever-evolving influences. "All My Peoples" is R.E.U.B.'s answer to Common's "Sixth Sense," an ode to hip-hop culture in which he expresses appreciation for friends and family, and more significantly, a passion and willingness to go to any length to succeed and conquer the business of hip-hop. The album's first single, "Gotcha," provides an early left jab with a comedic, punchline-heavy delivery over a breakneck dance beat a la Jay-Z's "I Just Wanna Love U," and "Supreme," the album's most invigorating track, lays down an infectious, Premier-inspired rhythm that R.E.U.B. tears to shreds with a veteran's claw.
But while the roots and influences of some of Pair-A-Dice's offerings can be clearly traced, R.E.U.B. also explores different avenues repeatedly throughout the album, venturing into sounds and topics seldom examined by the hip-hop world. "D'Hydrated Water," Pair-A-Dice's most thought-provoking song, serves as the album's best reflection of its creator's social and psychological consciousness. Over a mellow, melodic bassline, R.E.U.B. reflects on topics ranging from the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks to nonsensical "keeping it real" claims to character flaws he sees in himself.
Additionally, R.E.U.B. discusses the burdensome baggage that comes along with accomplishment in "Still Life," pays tribute to the World Trade Center victims through his own experiences in the emotion-driven "This Mourning," and tells the tale of a high school scuffle that left him torn between cliques in "The Legend of Pretty Tony, Pt. 1." And despite the album's primarily serious subject matter, humorous sample-heavy "Sex Ed" highlights sex life in college, serving as just one example of how the album's constantly varying rhythm and scope keeps the listener on edge.
While Pair-A-Dice is 70 consistent minutes of arresting beats and liquid rhyme skills, it is the down-to-earth nature of R.E.U.B.'s tales that distances this effort from so many debut rap albums. R.E.U.B. introspectively examines real-life responsibilities in a direct-but-subtle way, and precisely tailors his beats to compliment each song's subject matter. And as insightful as much of R.E.U.B.'s content is, he balances it with several raw, playful tracks that merely serve as a battleground for his razor-sharp tongue, and underscore his ambitious declaration that he'll do whatever it takes to "stand out like smokers with five minutes of break left."
Balance is the defining characteristic of Pair-A-Dice. In painting a no-stones-unturned self-portrait, R.E.U.B. simultaneously thinks out loud, dreams out loud, steams out loud, laughs out loud and cries out loud. He's not a thug who'll pop off at the mouth about the "in" thing of the day, and he's not an idealist who's out to save the hip-hop world by preaching about what ought to be. He's just R.E.U.B., simple and complex, insightful and foolish, optimistic and bleak, and the contradictions of his well-traveled existence make Pair-A-Dice worth exploring.
--SK
Facing Up
(from November 1, 2006)
There comes a time in every man's life when he has to face up to certain decisions he has made and views of the world he has crafted for himself. I faced one such experience last night. See, I have been known to be a little...well, harsh...at times for things I don't like, whether we're talking popped collars, radio playlists, SUV's, or places where you can't left turn yield on green. Well I would say you could add corny ass actor duos like the Wayans brothers to that list, until I was conned into watching "White Chicks"...and laughed, out loud, at LEAST 10 times. I'll admit it. Triple T-K-A, B-F and all those other acronyms had me rollin'.
It was like watching a game where you can just see the hopes of your squad slip, slipping away with each first down given up. With each additional laugh, I could feel it getting further and further out of my grasp, until that tenth one, when I realized that my set-in-stone world view was forever lost...and I have to give all silly comedies, and all corny actor duos, a fair shake. I'm telling you, it was intense. =)
There comes a time in every man's life when he has to face up to certain decisions he has made and views of the world he has crafted for himself. I faced one such experience last night. See, I have been known to be a little...well, harsh...at times for things I don't like, whether we're talking popped collars, radio playlists, SUV's, or places where you can't left turn yield on green. Well I would say you could add corny ass actor duos like the Wayans brothers to that list, until I was conned into watching "White Chicks"...and laughed, out loud, at LEAST 10 times. I'll admit it. Triple T-K-A, B-F and all those other acronyms had me rollin'.
It was like watching a game where you can just see the hopes of your squad slip, slipping away with each first down given up. With each additional laugh, I could feel it getting further and further out of my grasp, until that tenth one, when I realized that my set-in-stone world view was forever lost...and I have to give all silly comedies, and all corny actor duos, a fair shake. I'm telling you, it was intense. =)
Friday, October 20, 2006
the BIG taboo...
So check it out...I'm in the negotiation stage for a couple of job opportunities. I've always been one to ask for things up front, because to me that's a sign that you're interviewing the company as much as they're interviewing you. If you plan to stay there for awhile, or be really into your work (which is what they'd want), that's fair enough, right? But yo, it's always awkward! For some reason, in our culture, negotiation seems taboo!
(Great quote I read in an article: "There's a limit to what deference can get you.")
Which is why it amazes me that America is one of the most prosperous countries and world's business leaders...we're born sheltered! What is business? Negotiation, right? And whereas people are raised in most countries to negotiate, from a young age, here we're a very accepting culture. We grow up avoiding what we perceive as conflict, or of facing up to things that may involve any sort of confrontation, with things, people, ourselves...whatever. We're told what the price is, and we pay it or not. SO uncomfortable with bartering and negotiating, with facing up to things. We are raised to feel bad for doing so, or for doing things like asking for something that's supposed to be complimentary anyway. Hell, I was at Denny's a few weeks ago (what 'cha know about that 3am Hearty Ham Slam, yo? That ish is like the ham version of steakum, and you need a damn straw for the eggs...hits the spot tho), with a group of 4, when they told us that the kitchen was backed up. One of the girls I was with asked if they would comp us some salads or something (which is a reasonable enough request given the hour), and I felt bad!! Why?!?!? Sure enough they accommodated us, extra croutons and all. It just made me think about how kids in other countries grow up bartering and negotiating for EVERYthing. That should give them a huge leg up in real-life negotiations, which makes me wonder how WE're the economic power.
So my idea is to raise my young Steves or Stephanies to negotiate. If they want something, they can probably have it..BUT, they are going to have to make a deal with me to get it. It's not about being cheap or unneccesarily difficult or anything like that, but just learning to frame their expectations so as not to settle for subpar things/service/treatment/etc, and learning not to be afraid of confrontation.
Little Man: "Dad, I want the new Jordans!"
Me: "Velcro?!?!? Oh HELL no, son." (j/k...but for real, won't Mike be around retirement age by that time?)
Me (for real): "Hmm...well, make me an offer. How much are they worth to you?"
Little Man: "I'll cut the grass."
Me: "You'll cut the grass once a week for the next year, INCLUDING weed whacking the edges, son, and it better be clean enough for your moms and I to have a picnic on there without even a blanket."
Little Man: "But DAAAAAAAD..."
Me: "What, you want pink boots instead?"
Little Man: (pouty look straightens out REAL quick)..."Six months."
Me: "Nine and you got a deal. And you will SIGN to that, dammit."
Little Man: (rolls to school lookin' SO crispy, and he's ripped b/c I weighed the lawnmover down with sandbags...=)
Okay, so maybe this is a little idealistic, but I believe that raising a youngin' this way would enable him to become a natural negotiator, and raise him to feel comfortable with conflict or with bargaining. In other words, he wouldn't view bargaining or negotiating (aka expecting value for value) as 'conflict', but as a normal part of life. He wouldn't feel bad about being demanding within reason (the squeaky wheel gets the oil, right?), knowing the value of his lawnmowing skills, but he'd have to be raised to be respectful as well. Of course that's important. And with girls, maybe it would keep them from putting up with shit from dudes as they get older. But I would think raising children this way would also teach them the value of things, and to know that whatever they want they can get, IF they going are willing to work for it. No free handouts. And they'll learn to negotiate, EXPECT value for value, and learn the true value of things without being afraid of confrontation.
Just a thought.
(Great quote I read in an article: "There's a limit to what deference can get you.")
Which is why it amazes me that America is one of the most prosperous countries and world's business leaders...we're born sheltered! What is business? Negotiation, right? And whereas people are raised in most countries to negotiate, from a young age, here we're a very accepting culture. We grow up avoiding what we perceive as conflict, or of facing up to things that may involve any sort of confrontation, with things, people, ourselves...whatever. We're told what the price is, and we pay it or not. SO uncomfortable with bartering and negotiating, with facing up to things. We are raised to feel bad for doing so, or for doing things like asking for something that's supposed to be complimentary anyway. Hell, I was at Denny's a few weeks ago (what 'cha know about that 3am Hearty Ham Slam, yo? That ish is like the ham version of steakum, and you need a damn straw for the eggs...hits the spot tho), with a group of 4, when they told us that the kitchen was backed up. One of the girls I was with asked if they would comp us some salads or something (which is a reasonable enough request given the hour), and I felt bad!! Why?!?!? Sure enough they accommodated us, extra croutons and all. It just made me think about how kids in other countries grow up bartering and negotiating for EVERYthing. That should give them a huge leg up in real-life negotiations, which makes me wonder how WE're the economic power.
So my idea is to raise my young Steves or Stephanies to negotiate. If they want something, they can probably have it..BUT, they are going to have to make a deal with me to get it. It's not about being cheap or unneccesarily difficult or anything like that, but just learning to frame their expectations so as not to settle for subpar things/service/treatment/etc, and learning not to be afraid of confrontation.
Little Man: "Dad, I want the new Jordans!"
Me: "Velcro?!?!? Oh HELL no, son." (j/k...but for real, won't Mike be around retirement age by that time?)
Me (for real): "Hmm...well, make me an offer. How much are they worth to you?"
Little Man: "I'll cut the grass."
Me: "You'll cut the grass once a week for the next year, INCLUDING weed whacking the edges, son, and it better be clean enough for your moms and I to have a picnic on there without even a blanket."
Little Man: "But DAAAAAAAD..."
Me: "What, you want pink boots instead?"
Little Man: (pouty look straightens out REAL quick)..."Six months."
Me: "Nine and you got a deal. And you will SIGN to that, dammit."
Little Man: (rolls to school lookin' SO crispy, and he's ripped b/c I weighed the lawnmover down with sandbags...=)
Okay, so maybe this is a little idealistic, but I believe that raising a youngin' this way would enable him to become a natural negotiator, and raise him to feel comfortable with conflict or with bargaining. In other words, he wouldn't view bargaining or negotiating (aka expecting value for value) as 'conflict', but as a normal part of life. He wouldn't feel bad about being demanding within reason (the squeaky wheel gets the oil, right?), knowing the value of his lawnmowing skills, but he'd have to be raised to be respectful as well. Of course that's important. And with girls, maybe it would keep them from putting up with shit from dudes as they get older. But I would think raising children this way would also teach them the value of things, and to know that whatever they want they can get, IF they going are willing to work for it. No free handouts. And they'll learn to negotiate, EXPECT value for value, and learn the true value of things without being afraid of confrontation.
Just a thought.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Friday, September 29, 2006
The Projects (Ladies!).
You know what I'm talking about. How many times have you seen (guys) a girl that you're cool with sticking by a complete loser? How many guys (girls) have you stuck by knowing damn well you should not have, even at the time?
Ahh, that perceived need to nurture. Cycle as follows:
1. Girl (good) meets boy. Probably bad boy, plays-by-his-own-rules type. Girl likey.
2. Girl and boy hook up/get together/whatever you want to call it.
3. Girl has fun with boy. Boy completely carefree, basically just trying to get some tail.
4. Girl realizey that boy deal drugs/dropped out of school/spends all of his cash on his car/etc. (NOTE: not judging anyone, but hear me out...)
5. Boy has no intention to change (and that's cool, do you)...BUT...girl see "flaws" in boy that SHE must take responsibility for.
6. Girl encourage boy to finish school/find a real job/start saving money/etc.
7. Boy out of money, starts to stay over at girl's place/eat girl's food/etc.
8. Girl sees more flaws that SHE must take responsibility for.
9. Boy gives lip service to going back to school/finding a job/saving money/etc.
10. Boy has no discipline to do/intention of doing said things.
11. Girl continue to offer apartment/food/attention/sex.
12. Girl continue to see flaws that SHE must take responsibility for.
13. Boy still no go to school/no find real job/no tiene dinero.
14. Girl continue to see flaws that SHE must take responsibility for. Turns up effort.
15. Boy still no go to school/no find real job/no tiene dinero.
16. Girl fucked by this point.
17. Boy still no go to school/no find real job/no tiene dinero.
18. Girl's friends tell girl that she should move on, boy no good for her.
19. Girl stick up for boy, makes excuses for boy and says "intentions" are good.
20. Boy still no go to school/no find real job/no tiene dinero.
21. (Boy very comfortable in this situation)
22. Girl start to think that maybe she should move on.
23. Girl feel sorry for boy by this point though, feels bad about leaving him.
24. Girl continue to see flaws that SHE must take responsibility for.
25. Girl feel trapped.
26. Girl already invested so much effort, completely emotionally invested by this point.
27. Girl grow dependent on guy that was originally dependent on her.
28. Problem: Guy have nothing to offer girl.
29. Girl think he will still change, wants to see return on her investment.
30. Boy still no go to school/no find real job/no tiene dinero.
31. Girl and boy have good sex.
32. Girl and boy talk, boy pay lip service to going back to school/finding job/etc.
33. Boy still no go to school/no find real job/no tiene dinero.
34. (You get the cycle by now...)
See it all the time. And it never seems to work out in the end, but I guess it's just something that a lot of girls must go through and learn for themselves. At the end the day, a relationship will NEVER work if it is fostered (from the beginning) on dependency, unless it's completely mutual. The minute your justification for being with/staying with someone is that you feel sorry for them, you should not be in a relationship with them. It won't last. Both people have to have something besides sex or money to offer the other.
Giving is natural, and I've heard girls tell me that they don't care about getting anything back. They just want to give of themselves. But that isn't reality, because then they'll never get the emotional/spiritual/mental growth that is fostered by the other person in a mature relationship, over the LONG term.
Think about it...
Ahh, that perceived need to nurture. Cycle as follows:
1. Girl (good) meets boy. Probably bad boy, plays-by-his-own-rules type. Girl likey.
2. Girl and boy hook up/get together/whatever you want to call it.
3. Girl has fun with boy. Boy completely carefree, basically just trying to get some tail.
4. Girl realizey that boy deal drugs/dropped out of school/spends all of his cash on his car/etc. (NOTE: not judging anyone, but hear me out...)
5. Boy has no intention to change (and that's cool, do you)...BUT...girl see "flaws" in boy that SHE must take responsibility for.
6. Girl encourage boy to finish school/find a real job/start saving money/etc.
7. Boy out of money, starts to stay over at girl's place/eat girl's food/etc.
8. Girl sees more flaws that SHE must take responsibility for.
9. Boy gives lip service to going back to school/finding a job/saving money/etc.
10. Boy has no discipline to do/intention of doing said things.
11. Girl continue to offer apartment/food/attention/sex.
12. Girl continue to see flaws that SHE must take responsibility for.
13. Boy still no go to school/no find real job/no tiene dinero.
14. Girl continue to see flaws that SHE must take responsibility for. Turns up effort.
15. Boy still no go to school/no find real job/no tiene dinero.
16. Girl fucked by this point.
17. Boy still no go to school/no find real job/no tiene dinero.
18. Girl's friends tell girl that she should move on, boy no good for her.
19. Girl stick up for boy, makes excuses for boy and says "intentions" are good.
20. Boy still no go to school/no find real job/no tiene dinero.
21. (Boy very comfortable in this situation)
22. Girl start to think that maybe she should move on.
23. Girl feel sorry for boy by this point though, feels bad about leaving him.
24. Girl continue to see flaws that SHE must take responsibility for.
25. Girl feel trapped.
26. Girl already invested so much effort, completely emotionally invested by this point.
27. Girl grow dependent on guy that was originally dependent on her.
28. Problem: Guy have nothing to offer girl.
29. Girl think he will still change, wants to see return on her investment.
30. Boy still no go to school/no find real job/no tiene dinero.
31. Girl and boy have good sex.
32. Girl and boy talk, boy pay lip service to going back to school/finding job/etc.
33. Boy still no go to school/no find real job/no tiene dinero.
34. (You get the cycle by now...)
See it all the time. And it never seems to work out in the end, but I guess it's just something that a lot of girls must go through and learn for themselves. At the end the day, a relationship will NEVER work if it is fostered (from the beginning) on dependency, unless it's completely mutual. The minute your justification for being with/staying with someone is that you feel sorry for them, you should not be in a relationship with them. It won't last. Both people have to have something besides sex or money to offer the other.
Giving is natural, and I've heard girls tell me that they don't care about getting anything back. They just want to give of themselves. But that isn't reality, because then they'll never get the emotional/spiritual/mental growth that is fostered by the other person in a mature relationship, over the LONG term.
Think about it...
Lyrrrric of the Day, because I like to do this. The Roots: "Clock With No Hands"...
[Verse 2]
I'm like Malcolm, out the window with the weapon out
Searching for somehow to find a minute or a second now
Precious time is money, that I ain't got to mess about
Need it from the horse's mouth or from my eyewitness account.
Lessons with my back to the wall, scoping my session out
Stay a little edgy at times when I ain't stressing bout
Haters don't know shit about me, they're the ones that talk shit
Those that love me set that out, so I ain't got to force quit
'Cause I'm doing better now don't mean I never lost shit
I was married to a state of mind and I divorced it, man
I'm from where brothers moving product from the porches
People locking their doors, clutching to their crosses
The block hot by the law, there ain't too many choices
So what I do is for y'all, there ain't too many voices left
I watch my back, and watch my step
And I might forgive, but I will not forget
[Hook]
People think that I'm crazy, just cause I wanna be alone
You can't depend on friends to help you in a squeeze
We all deal with shit on our own
Sometimes the beef can grow and get out of hand
Yeah, you know it gets full blown
I never said that you mean the world to me
Maybe it's best that you never know
[Verse 3]
Living in turbulent times
The blind leading the blind
Some call it evolution, some say intelligent design
You say you want a revolution, you out of your mizind
Your son's destitute, with his Pops all in the prison
My man's back in a jam, he's like the back of my hand
He's just attracted to scam, he's right back in the can
I'm never sleepwalking, you dig
You get your shuteye
I'm on the first thing in, I'm leaving on the red-eye
My brother's back in rehab, just had another relapse
But in himself it's like he's been fighting his inner jihad
Half telling me nobody's true when they pretend to be that
So closer than friends, that's where I keep my enemies at
To many parties concerned, it's time to live it and learn
Until we're able to grow, forever bridges we'll burn
My thoughts free as a bird, that's just about to emerge
And every action is heard, it speaks louder than words...
I'm like Malcolm, out the window with the weapon out
Searching for somehow to find a minute or a second now
Precious time is money, that I ain't got to mess about
Need it from the horse's mouth or from my eyewitness account.
Lessons with my back to the wall, scoping my session out
Stay a little edgy at times when I ain't stressing bout
Haters don't know shit about me, they're the ones that talk shit
Those that love me set that out, so I ain't got to force quit
'Cause I'm doing better now don't mean I never lost shit
I was married to a state of mind and I divorced it, man
I'm from where brothers moving product from the porches
People locking their doors, clutching to their crosses
The block hot by the law, there ain't too many choices
So what I do is for y'all, there ain't too many voices left
I watch my back, and watch my step
And I might forgive, but I will not forget
[Hook]
People think that I'm crazy, just cause I wanna be alone
You can't depend on friends to help you in a squeeze
We all deal with shit on our own
Sometimes the beef can grow and get out of hand
Yeah, you know it gets full blown
I never said that you mean the world to me
Maybe it's best that you never know
[Verse 3]
Living in turbulent times
The blind leading the blind
Some call it evolution, some say intelligent design
You say you want a revolution, you out of your mizind
Your son's destitute, with his Pops all in the prison
My man's back in a jam, he's like the back of my hand
He's just attracted to scam, he's right back in the can
I'm never sleepwalking, you dig
You get your shuteye
I'm on the first thing in, I'm leaving on the red-eye
My brother's back in rehab, just had another relapse
But in himself it's like he's been fighting his inner jihad
Half telling me nobody's true when they pretend to be that
So closer than friends, that's where I keep my enemies at
To many parties concerned, it's time to live it and learn
Until we're able to grow, forever bridges we'll burn
My thoughts free as a bird, that's just about to emerge
And every action is heard, it speaks louder than words...
Perception.
Life is not that serious, yo! I feel like these people in NYC are all so hardened, rough to the world. It's,umm...interesting.
But for real, have you ever noticed how some people just seem to have that glow about them, always seeming happy, upbeat, together, etc...while others don't? I think people lose sight of the fact that those glowing people, they have the same issues and insecurities that everyone else has. They just know how to mask it, or just learn to accept it, put it aside, and look forward. It's really up to you what kind of person you want to be. Or come across as.
But for real, have you ever noticed how some people just seem to have that glow about them, always seeming happy, upbeat, together, etc...while others don't? I think people lose sight of the fact that those glowing people, they have the same issues and insecurities that everyone else has. They just know how to mask it, or just learn to accept it, put it aside, and look forward. It's really up to you what kind of person you want to be. Or come across as.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Moment of Clarity.
This past couple of weeks has been interesting. Basically, I've been struggling with a question that now appears to have a simple solution.
Q1: If what you thought you wanted is not all that you thought it would be, would you have the courage to do something about it?
Q1a: Would you really care about what other people thought in making that decision?
I don't know why this wasn't quite clear a month ago, but it seems so simple now. Not that I've ever much cared how my actions were viewed by others as long as I could look myself in the mirror, but for some reason, the first part of that question had me at a loss. We probably all do that though...make decisions not necessarily forward-looking, but under the vast influence of events/experiences leading up to it. But just like in finance, how previous expenditures are a sunk cost that shouldn't impact your profitability decisions looking forward, it seems unnatural to look at our life decisions that way, even though we know it's logical.
Back in April or May, I jumped at this opportunity to move to NYC and work for this great airline, thinking it would open all sorts of doors to the world. Now I'm not even 3 months into the job, and it seems my values have changed, or I'm just learning myself better. In the past 30 days, I've been to Boston, Chicago, Singapore, Los Angeles and San Francisco--all for business. I would have thought that was the life a few months ago, but damn, that's NO life! How are you supposed to have real friendships moving around at that pace? After awhile, it's hard to even appreciate these experiences on your own. In my case, it told me everything I need to know when I came back into the office this week and they asked me to go to Singapore again in 2 weeks. Keep in mind, the thought of international travel is exactly why I wanted to work in this industry, and here I am, the second time they're asking me to go, and I don't even want to! I'm dreading it as a matter of fact, flying right over my birthday to go somewhere 9,535 miles from just about everybody I care about. Nah, that's not much of a life. Experience, yes. Life, no.
Q1: If what you thought you wanted is not all that you thought it would be, would you have the courage to do something about it?
Q1a: Would you really care about what other people thought in making that decision?
I don't know why this wasn't quite clear a month ago, but it seems so simple now. Not that I've ever much cared how my actions were viewed by others as long as I could look myself in the mirror, but for some reason, the first part of that question had me at a loss. We probably all do that though...make decisions not necessarily forward-looking, but under the vast influence of events/experiences leading up to it. But just like in finance, how previous expenditures are a sunk cost that shouldn't impact your profitability decisions looking forward, it seems unnatural to look at our life decisions that way, even though we know it's logical.
Back in April or May, I jumped at this opportunity to move to NYC and work for this great airline, thinking it would open all sorts of doors to the world. Now I'm not even 3 months into the job, and it seems my values have changed, or I'm just learning myself better. In the past 30 days, I've been to Boston, Chicago, Singapore, Los Angeles and San Francisco--all for business. I would have thought that was the life a few months ago, but damn, that's NO life! How are you supposed to have real friendships moving around at that pace? After awhile, it's hard to even appreciate these experiences on your own. In my case, it told me everything I need to know when I came back into the office this week and they asked me to go to Singapore again in 2 weeks. Keep in mind, the thought of international travel is exactly why I wanted to work in this industry, and here I am, the second time they're asking me to go, and I don't even want to! I'm dreading it as a matter of fact, flying right over my birthday to go somewhere 9,535 miles from just about everybody I care about. Nah, that's not much of a life. Experience, yes. Life, no.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
LA LA, Big City of Dreams
(current locale: Marriott Residence Inn Beverley Hills (CA), Room 424)
(current background noise: air conditioner)
Okay, so that last question from the last post. Not like this is rocket science, but I like the happy resolution: You give the car to your best friend, he drives the old woman to the hospital, and you walk off in the rain with your girl. Since she's your girl, it doesn't matter the setting, weather, whatever as long as you have each other. Is that REALLY true?
I have to admit, I've been somewhat sheltered growing up in VA. Not like I haven't seen this or that, but for'real hardened violence/suffering/death...I've been fortunate enough to avoid that. Maybe that's why it caught me off guard the other day when my boy and I pulled up to a stoplight in Fairfax County, and a high speed chase damn near hit us! We had driven right by this cop about 1 minute prior, and the next thing I know as I'm pulling up to the light, I see a cop car swerve up on the grass and come back on the road cutting this guy off in the lane next to us. Then two cops rush out of the car and storm up to this car with two hispanic dudes, both pulling loaded 9mm's to the temples. It was crazy. I've never seen a gun to someone's head before, and I have to say, it's not that comfortable. And as the light turns green, the pickup truck in front of us has the NERVE to STAY stopped to watch!! Meanwhile I'm trying to get the hell out of there before I have six bullet holes in my window and see a trail of blood spilling out on the street. WTF is this guy in front of me thinking?!? I guess people really do think that things can't happen to them, but all I know is that if I see guns drawn and grown-ass men screaming and it's not directed at somebody I'm associated with, I'm gettin' the hell outta dodge. I read too many of these reports about stray bullets in NYC...
So that of course has me shook up a little bit, doing some thinking about what's important in life, which perfectly coincides with the question I've been struggling with for a few days...how harmonious should/can the relationship between CAREER interests and PERSONAL interests be?
I was "advised" a long time ago to choose a job over a location. I can see that argument, but now that I'm a little more able to think for myself based on my experience, I'd have to disagree. I do believe there are opportunities that may come along that we just shouldn't pass up, but even so I think that's a decision that only the person involved can make. I'm starting to think that being in a place you're happy, around people you care about and who care about you, is far more important than having an interesting job. I guess everyone views this differently, but I don't think a career is going to make you happy at the end of the day. You can't laugh and watch the game with a career. Nor can you cuddle up with a career and kiss it goodnight. I already know the answer to that question for me, and I'm pretty comfortable with saying that I'd rather have a mundane 9-to-5 and a great personal life than the greatest job in the world and a destroyed personal life. Of course ideally you wouldn't have to choose, and the lucky ones can have both.
This debate has been making my thought process churn lately, as I feel that my job is competing with my life. It's not the work environment or hours or anything like that, or even the travel, which has been strenuous. It's more about just being in NYC, which despite being a GREAT city to visit with unlimited things to do, can be a shitty place to live when you don't have excess cash or at least a few close peeps to share the struggle with, preferably whom you knew before NY. It's like quality of life just doesn't register there. But my job is tight. So....
(current background noise: air conditioner)
Okay, so that last question from the last post. Not like this is rocket science, but I like the happy resolution: You give the car to your best friend, he drives the old woman to the hospital, and you walk off in the rain with your girl. Since she's your girl, it doesn't matter the setting, weather, whatever as long as you have each other. Is that REALLY true?
I have to admit, I've been somewhat sheltered growing up in VA. Not like I haven't seen this or that, but for'real hardened violence/suffering/death...I've been fortunate enough to avoid that. Maybe that's why it caught me off guard the other day when my boy and I pulled up to a stoplight in Fairfax County, and a high speed chase damn near hit us! We had driven right by this cop about 1 minute prior, and the next thing I know as I'm pulling up to the light, I see a cop car swerve up on the grass and come back on the road cutting this guy off in the lane next to us. Then two cops rush out of the car and storm up to this car with two hispanic dudes, both pulling loaded 9mm's to the temples. It was crazy. I've never seen a gun to someone's head before, and I have to say, it's not that comfortable. And as the light turns green, the pickup truck in front of us has the NERVE to STAY stopped to watch!! Meanwhile I'm trying to get the hell out of there before I have six bullet holes in my window and see a trail of blood spilling out on the street. WTF is this guy in front of me thinking?!? I guess people really do think that things can't happen to them, but all I know is that if I see guns drawn and grown-ass men screaming and it's not directed at somebody I'm associated with, I'm gettin' the hell outta dodge. I read too many of these reports about stray bullets in NYC...
So that of course has me shook up a little bit, doing some thinking about what's important in life, which perfectly coincides with the question I've been struggling with for a few days...how harmonious should/can the relationship between CAREER interests and PERSONAL interests be?
I was "advised" a long time ago to choose a job over a location. I can see that argument, but now that I'm a little more able to think for myself based on my experience, I'd have to disagree. I do believe there are opportunities that may come along that we just shouldn't pass up, but even so I think that's a decision that only the person involved can make. I'm starting to think that being in a place you're happy, around people you care about and who care about you, is far more important than having an interesting job. I guess everyone views this differently, but I don't think a career is going to make you happy at the end of the day. You can't laugh and watch the game with a career. Nor can you cuddle up with a career and kiss it goodnight. I already know the answer to that question for me, and I'm pretty comfortable with saying that I'd rather have a mundane 9-to-5 and a great personal life than the greatest job in the world and a destroyed personal life. Of course ideally you wouldn't have to choose, and the lucky ones can have both.
This debate has been making my thought process churn lately, as I feel that my job is competing with my life. It's not the work environment or hours or anything like that, or even the travel, which has been strenuous. It's more about just being in NYC, which despite being a GREAT city to visit with unlimited things to do, can be a shitty place to live when you don't have excess cash or at least a few close peeps to share the struggle with, preferably whom you knew before NY. It's like quality of life just doesn't register there. But my job is tight. So....
Sunday, September 10, 2006
(current location: kitchen of Mom & Pops' house in the big VA)
(current background noise: "The Diary of Alicia Keys")
I want to write, so I'm writing. I've tried to start this blogging thing before, but it hasn't caught on. But how many times do I have to tell myself that I need to just write, and I never do? write. Write!!! WRITE!! It's really not pulling teeth.
Today's battle: Feelings vs. Logic
I don't know all that much about women or about psychology for that matter, but I find this field of gender psychology effin' fascinating. I'm not sure that it's technically a field, but it should be. I'm curious to find out what people think about this, but from my experiences I've seen a heavy inclination of women towards feeling-based decisionmaking, with guys leaning towards logic.
But I just don't understand how life can function making our every decision based on what we feel right NOW. At this particular moment. I mean, it's just reality that shit happens and life isn't peaches every day, right? I feel like sometimes we need to accept the routineness of life and of relationships. Isn't that what stability is? Hmmm...I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, but I'm tired so I want to sleep now. Try to pick up again later.
Before I go, I watched a movie recently, which I'll leave unnamed because it wasn't very good. But, there was one interesting hypothetical question posed, which for some reason I feel like sharing.
Alright, so you're at a bus stop in the pouring rain, and you have a car that will fit just two people. There's you, your best friend, who once saved your life, an old lady who needs to be rushed to a hospital, and your soul mate, who you're seeing for the first time. Who do you take in the car?
Chew on that for a minute.
(current background noise: "The Diary of Alicia Keys")
I want to write, so I'm writing. I've tried to start this blogging thing before, but it hasn't caught on. But how many times do I have to tell myself that I need to just write, and I never do? write. Write!!! WRITE!! It's really not pulling teeth.
Today's battle: Feelings vs. Logic
I don't know all that much about women or about psychology for that matter, but I find this field of gender psychology effin' fascinating. I'm not sure that it's technically a field, but it should be. I'm curious to find out what people think about this, but from my experiences I've seen a heavy inclination of women towards feeling-based decisionmaking, with guys leaning towards logic.
But I just don't understand how life can function making our every decision based on what we feel right NOW. At this particular moment. I mean, it's just reality that shit happens and life isn't peaches every day, right? I feel like sometimes we need to accept the routineness of life and of relationships. Isn't that what stability is? Hmmm...I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, but I'm tired so I want to sleep now. Try to pick up again later.
Before I go, I watched a movie recently, which I'll leave unnamed because it wasn't very good. But, there was one interesting hypothetical question posed, which for some reason I feel like sharing.
Alright, so you're at a bus stop in the pouring rain, and you have a car that will fit just two people. There's you, your best friend, who once saved your life, an old lady who needs to be rushed to a hospital, and your soul mate, who you're seeing for the first time. Who do you take in the car?
Chew on that for a minute.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
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