The Double-Edged Sword of Relationships.

Sometimes, I fear that my worst trait is passion. Childlike optimism. Or that belief that that amazing story actually can happen to me. That I can be the star of that role, even on some small scale on some miniature stage. That not just some, but all of the pieces can fit together.

But with each day that I encounter, that passion sours just a little bit. That optimism fades. And while I know I can in fact be the star of my own play, and that the storyline may be generally happy, it’s not going to be quite so amazing or inspiring.

Ho, hum.

Finding a partner for life is not easy. Someone who we can see in their most disheveled, stinky, frazzled state at the same time as we are in our most stressed, pissed off, or generally disinterested state and still want to place our hands on their cheeks and kiss them passionately. Or fight through traffic to pick them up at work. Or actually learn about their day, and why they are so disheveled, stinky, frazzled, stressed, pissed off or generally disinterested.

I want to find someone who I feel all of those things for. Who I feel a special bond with. Who I always want to hang out with. Who I think about when I experience something unique or inspiring, wishing they could be there to share the moment with me. Who attracts me physically in such a way that the slightest hint of the thought of the anticipation of the way in which they might think about touching me when I get home makes me unable to stand up from my desk. Natural, unadulterated, soft and gentile yet violent combustion. Someone who can read my subtle feelings, my understated thoughts. Who reminds me of things I forgot, and forgets things that I remember. Someone who would make the lemonade extra sweet for me, or send a message just to tell me she’s thinking about me just because she’s thinking about me.

This isn’t easy to find. But sometimes it happens easily. And when it happens easily, I now know that there will always be something to prevent it from really happening.

I’ve felt that before. Naturally. I’ve felt it without fully knowing the person—in fact, without knowing them well at all. But it was a natural spark and passion and pull and push that told me I had to get to know them more. That I had to be close to this person.

And yet, when it feels so right…insecurity feels wrong. And since it was so natural for us…there must be others.

So what does she do? Cuddle up next to the guy who’s always around. Who she doesn’t really feel that strong of a natural chemistry with. But he makes her feel comfortable. He’s non-threatening. He’s available, always. He doesn’t make her stretch the slightest inch out of her comfort zone, and she likes that.

But you can’t find passion if you don’t extend beyond your comfort zone. I want that unique, once-in-a-lifetime kind of love.

The funny thing is, if this was really the person she is supposed to be with, then why did she warm up to you in the first place? Why was she so interested in getting to know you? Why was she even in a position to allow that spontaneous combustion to happen?

BECAUSE SHE IS NOT SATISFIED. But she also doesn’t want to take a chance. To walk outside of her familiar comfort zone. To experience something extraordinary.

No relationship is easy. Every relationship takes work.

But the feeling of knowing when you’ve found that person should be easy. It should flow naturally. It shouldn’t be cognitive. It shouldn’t be slow to develop. Lord knows that even if we find that natural chemistry, there are still a thousand other factors that must fall into place for the long-term relationship to work. But if we don’t feel that vibe right away, we need to move on. The person who thinks their way into a relationship is the person who subsequently ruins that relationship and people’s lives in the process.

When you DO feel that vibe, you pursue it. And if it doesn’t work, you move on. But give it your best. That feeling doesn’t come around often, and letting it run away is a gamble that it will come back around, because it may well not.